Thinking of her

Last night we had the missionaries over for dinner and one of them asked " Who is Kyndal?" He had seen the sign that we have in our living room.. Camden got to tell him all about her.. and that she is in heaven waiting for us. I love talking about her, but it was fun to see Camden so willing and happy to tell them about his sister.

Support group is the first Monday of the month.. and yesterday ( tuesday) I remembered.. A day late.. oops.. I was bugged at myself. I always enjoy going.. so next month I will put it on my calendar forsure.

We are coming upon 10 months. It seems like yesterday.. but a long time ago too. Can't wait for eternity.. Time will be better there.. plus she will be with us FOREVER!

The dr. told us to wait 9 months ( 18 months) til delivery to have another baby. We hope that another baby will bless our family in the next few months. Kyndal.. send him/her .. you can play later!

When I was in Wyoming I found a picture of my grandparents when they were really young. It was a picture I had never seen.. or atleast remembered...I picture heaven like this... Grandma Hazel is taking care of Kyndal.. among others I am sure. Does she peek into our lives and see what we are/arent doing? I wish she would send me some patience and alot of it.. her brothers are driving me about crazy.. School will start soon and they are excited...

In my room I have on my dresser all of Kyndals things. The blessing dress in the frame, pictures, a teddy bear, her handprints and feetprints... Stuff always piles up on that dresser, but last night I dusted it all off. It looks so much better when I can see all of her "stuff".

We sure are happy to have her part of our family and think of her often.

9 nine

We have been in Wyoming with Grandma Dill when the 8th came. It has been 9 months. Time is a crazy thing. It seems like yesterday we were holding you in our arms, but it seems like so long ago some days.
We flew into Las Vegas to see Grandpa Dill and went to the temple with Camie and Neil while we were there. I felt like I was at home in the Las Vegas temple.. the celestial room was a beautiful place and still my favorite. I felt close to you.
Camie and Neil made a beautiful hardbound book with your pictures in it. I cried when they gave it to me. It will be a treasure in our house forsure. I'm glad we have friends that are so thoughtful.

Memorial Day

I think the only other time I have gone to a cemetary on Memorial Day was a few years back when I was in Wyoming, and put flowers on my Grandmother and Grandfathers graves. As the day approached, we knew Blades would be working that day, so we went early last week before the holiday to visit Kyndals grave. Monday, my friend Debra called to tell me she had been there and had stopped to see Kyndal. ( her husband is buried in the same cemetary.. we always stop to see eachothers graves) I did not have plans on going down there yesterday, but figured I had better. Blades was working, so it was just the kids and I. We visited for a while, then went to McDonalds to play. There were lots of visitors there that day. I always thought Memorial Day was just for the military, but I guess this holiday is a new one for our family. These pictures are from about a month ago..

Kyndal's flowers

Case reading his scriptures. Each time we go he looks for his Book of Mormon in the car.

The boys listening to dad read a scripture

Happy to have his own Book of Mormon

Sweet brothers

Just a few thoughts...

Camden and Case got a helium balloon today, and always want to send it up to Kyndal in heaven. They thought about it, then changed their minds.. the thought was nice :)

We were watching the Walk for the cure TV ad the other day, and the lady talks about not having a choice if she was going to lose her mom or not.. Camden said " we lost Kyndal huh mom?". It was cute and thoughtful.

We were running errands the other day and were near the grave. We decided to make a quick stop. The boys love to gather pinecones, and see what other treasures people leave for their babies. I am thankful that they enjoy going and visiting Kyndals grave and that its not scary for them.

The weather was perfect today, and the clouds in the sky were white and puffy.. It made this momma happy.. and made me think of baby Kyndal.

6 months.. half a year

Today Kyndal would be 6 months old. Wow time has really gone by quickly. As much as it has flown by we feel really blessed. The grief is still there, but comes in less. We still think about her daily. Even her brothers remind us about her. Today we had morning prayer on her rug that is in our room. Case was the one who mentioned the rug.. it was sweet.
At support group we were talking about how everyone is in different places of thier grief.. some just lost babies.. others it has been years.. the feelings never change.. but things get a little easier as time passes. I am finding that to be so true. Many others in the group are still so angry.. I am so grateful that I have never felt angry in this whole process. Some of these dads want to hurt people. Blades too has never felt angry about it. It has been life changing.. but now I have a piece of our family in Heaven waiting for us. It makes heaven seem a bit more real.. and close..

Time does some crazy things..

Easter Promises

" Our eyes may be moist with tears, but our hearts burn with the knowledge that the bands of death have been broken and that we will one day be reunited to share the

blessings of eternal life". Thomas S. Monson

This weekend we got to listen to General Conference and hear all the messages from the prophet and apostles. What a blessing. The messages were sweet. Many spoke of the Ressurection and how we will all be reunited ( our spirits and bodies) because of Jesus Christ.

The theme of conference to me seemed to be about family and making sure we are teaching our children about Jesus Christ. How we should take every opportunity to teach our children...

"tell me the stories of Jesus".

We had a wonderful Easter dinner with some great friends and thought of Kyndal all day. We got out the nice plates, tablecloths ... I wore her flower in my hair.. I can't imagine what it will be like when we will all see her again. I can't even imagine what it will be like.

How grateful I am that Easter brings a great promise. Through Jesus Christ I can live forever.. that's part of the free gift he gave to all of us.. immortality.. It's only through Him that I can be forgiven and be worthy to return to my Father in Heaven.. and live forever with my entire family including baby Kyndal. For now I pray that others are taking care of her.. Grandma's, Aunts, cousins, friends.. I wonder what Easter is like in heaven? I hope they celebrate.. or atleast watch us celebrating and laugh at us hiding eggs in the night for our little ones to find at the crack of dawn..

I've always loved Easter.. the colors, flowers, candy and the spring in the air.. How much more special it is now to our family. A day to celebrate Christ's Resurrection.

I taught the combined YW lesson last week about Easter. I talked about Kyndal and of course bawled. I enjoyed sharing the message with these sweet 12-18 year olds. I hope they felt the Spirit and learned something new about the Atonement.

Tonight is support group. I always look forward to it.

In 3 days, Kyndal would be 6 months old. Time is crazy.. could that really be?

A Sunday dinner conversation

Eating dinner after church on Sunday, Dad asks Camden what he learned about at church.
" How to be nice to people". "Like playing with your brother." " Like playing legos with eachother."
Do you love your brother?
" Yes".
Do you have a sister?
" Yes, I miss her."

I miss her too Camden. We are approaching the 6th month of Kyndals death. Thats half a year.. unbelievable how fast time goes. What kinds of things would she be doing? She would of been chubby forsure. Would she allow me to put those huge bows in her hair? With Easter coming, I am looking forward to the message that comes with Easter. That everyone will be resurrected and live again. We are patiently waiting for that day. I am kinda bummed that Easter falls on General Conference weekend, and I wont be able to dress up my kids and take them to church... but maybe its a blessing.
We got some new flowers and a windmill to put at Kyndals grave. As soon as I bought it, Camden knew just who it was for. Maybe the pink and purple gave it away, but I'm glad he is thinking about her too!
This morning Case snuck into bed with us and fell back asleep. I peeked over at him, and his eyes looked just like Kyndal's sleeping face. It made me happy!