your hands felt so soft.. and perfect... just like the rest of your tiny body.
I look forward to the day I can kiss your pretty girly hands again.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Walking to remember
We walked with balloons for her..I made these necklaces with her on them. so everyone could see how cute she is.
The boys wore their " im a big brother" shirts
I couldnt believe how many people were there.. all going through the same thing
a wonderful event to honor children that have died.
we will be adding this to our yearly calendars.
Group was last night... there were 2 new people. they are just starting their grief journey. A journey it is... but how far I have come in 1 year. Time helps.. and heals. It is still hard, but time makes it easier...
I CAN DO HARD THINGS!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Happy Birthday Kyndal
We celebrated the day with friends at your grave. We had pink cookies, pink balloons and released them for you to catch.
The day was easier than I thought it would be. There were tears, but got through it with the help of friends, family and prayers... Those help the most I know they do. I appreciate all those that remembered you on your special day.
Our house is full of beautiful flowers that friends and family have sent. They have brightened our house and spirits.
We miss and love you Kyndal Ann.. we are that much closer to being with you again!
The best advice I heard was " be her mom today". I tried to remember that all day..
The day was easier than I thought it would be. There were tears, but got through it with the help of friends, family and prayers... Those help the most I know they do. I appreciate all those that remembered you on your special day.
Our house is full of beautiful flowers that friends and family have sent. They have brightened our house and spirits.
We miss and love you Kyndal Ann.. we are that much closer to being with you again!
The best advice I heard was " be her mom today". I tried to remember that all day..
Thursday, October 7, 2010
friends and flowers
What wonderful friends we have. I recieved both of these sets of flowers today. Each time I recieved them, I cried. My friends are so thoughtful. Some things I've learned about flowers...
I always associate them with funerals now..
The smell reminds me of my hospital room
Our house was bursting with flowers when we came home last year.
We have alot of vases now.
They brighten my day!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
I made it through
Last night was support group.. I knew it would be hard with the anniversary coming on Friday. I made it through. It was a great group. Layne came with me. Blades stayed home with the boys. It will be a tough week, but we can do it with the help of the Lord. Thanks to all of you for thinking about us this week. It means alot!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
A poem thats perfect
No treats, no tricks this year
to brighten up her smile
No searches for tiny costumes
down crowded clothing aisles
I did not get to choose
what my child would be this year
For you see, she's gone to heaven
and the future seems so unclear
But I imagine she has a tiny halo
floating right above her head
And I swear shes watching over us
and this is what she said.
"I may not get to join you
on this chilly Halloween night
But I'm a tiny angel now,
I'm never out of sight
You can see me in the changing leaves
that fall from above
And when the wind whistles by your ear
I'm whispering my love
I saw this on a friends facebook status who also lost a baby to a cord accident. I thought it was perfect!
to brighten up her smile
No searches for tiny costumes
down crowded clothing aisles
I did not get to choose
what my child would be this year
For you see, she's gone to heaven
and the future seems so unclear
But I imagine she has a tiny halo
floating right above her head
And I swear shes watching over us
and this is what she said.
"I may not get to join you
on this chilly Halloween night
But I'm a tiny angel now,
I'm never out of sight
You can see me in the changing leaves
that fall from above
And when the wind whistles by your ear
I'm whispering my love
I saw this on a friends facebook status who also lost a baby to a cord accident. I thought it was perfect!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
a teary day
1. A sunday school lesson where we were asked to share a scripture that has touched us lately. I shared 3 nephi 11.. when Christ comes to visit the people here and blesses the children one by one.. and that how the things that were felt and seen couldnt be written down.. because there were no words for it.. ( i'm paraphrasing here )
It was a chapter that Blades and I read in the hospital after Kyndal had died. It gave us comfort. What a blessing that we could turn to the scriptures and find peace during a difficult time..
While sharing this experience I couldnt help but bawl.. There I sit next to some great friends who have meant alot and helped us tremendously through this.. Bishop Bourgeous came up to me afterwards with tears in his eyes and expressed how much he appreciated sharing her story with the class. ( he was there and our first visitor at the hospital)
He said that there would be many more times when we would be able to share this with others.
2. An email from a cousin that included sweet words about Kyndal and our family. It is great to get unexpected notes from loved ones that mention our experience. I appreciate it. and love talking about Kyndal.
3. The word "year" is getting closer. I'm a bit worried about "the day".. but we are having a Kyndal celebration on the 8th at her gravesite. We wanted to do something, but not a party.. We will release balloons, and have cookies and punch.
I wrote in the kids' journals today. I try to do it atleast once a month. I will go now and look at her pictures and books. I will be more teary, but it feels good. At support group the counselor said grief tears are chemically different than any other tears. That has always stuck with me, and I remember crying is ok. It's tough when the kids come up to me and ask if I am happy or sad.. It makes me cry more..
We were driving by a bridge today and Camden said if it broke and we fell down there he would get a rope, climb up and rescue me, dad, case and Kyndal if she was here. It was sweet. I am so glad they remember their sister.
It was a chapter that Blades and I read in the hospital after Kyndal had died. It gave us comfort. What a blessing that we could turn to the scriptures and find peace during a difficult time..
While sharing this experience I couldnt help but bawl.. There I sit next to some great friends who have meant alot and helped us tremendously through this.. Bishop Bourgeous came up to me afterwards with tears in his eyes and expressed how much he appreciated sharing her story with the class. ( he was there and our first visitor at the hospital)
He said that there would be many more times when we would be able to share this with others.
2. An email from a cousin that included sweet words about Kyndal and our family. It is great to get unexpected notes from loved ones that mention our experience. I appreciate it. and love talking about Kyndal.
3. The word "year" is getting closer. I'm a bit worried about "the day".. but we are having a Kyndal celebration on the 8th at her gravesite. We wanted to do something, but not a party.. We will release balloons, and have cookies and punch.
I wrote in the kids' journals today. I try to do it atleast once a month. I will go now and look at her pictures and books. I will be more teary, but it feels good. At support group the counselor said grief tears are chemically different than any other tears. That has always stuck with me, and I remember crying is ok. It's tough when the kids come up to me and ask if I am happy or sad.. It makes me cry more..
We were driving by a bridge today and Camden said if it broke and we fell down there he would get a rope, climb up and rescue me, dad, case and Kyndal if she was here. It was sweet. I am so glad they remember their sister.
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