What is to come

For Family Home Evening, I gave a quick lesson to the boys about Easter and the Resurrection.. ( when your body and your spirit will come back together, and you will live forever)
They already knew so much about it from Primary, but I was so happy to share the message with them. Kyndal, their sister will recieve this same gift, given to all who have lived or will live..
The message was much more powerful, and Camden said
" we are going to live with her forever? we will get to play with her? awesome!"
My little heart was full of joy. I was crying and Camden wondered if I was happy or sad. I whispered "happy"..

Sometimes I think lets just get the 2nd coming here, so we can be together forever :)

Easter is one of my favorite Holidays.. the colors, the newness..
We will be visiting your grave this week to place a few easter eggs. Soon you will have a headstone. We cant wait to see it.

I know Sunday will be an emotional day, with it being Easter. Although you will never have a new Easter dress, I feel closer to you during this time of year.

I saw Dr. Guzman today.. for my annual checkup. I had been waiting to see him til i got pregnant. well that hasnt happened yet, so I figured i had better see him. I asked him if he would check my hormones and see what we can do to get pregnant. I cried when i saw him. I have a special place for him in my heart. He was the first one to hold you.. he cried with us. He is an amazing dr. He asked about our family, and if the boys ask about their sister. He has twin boys who are adorable. I was so nervous on the way there, knowing I would get emotional when I saw him.

We hope a brother or sister will bless our family soon.

The BBQ we had in your honor was wonderful. We raised over 700 dollars.
agoodgrief.com will be able to help another family with a headstone.

The other day when I had a few minutes to think, I was thinking.. do you miss me?
I had never really thought about it that way. I hope that you have someone mothering you, and that you arent lonely. I couldnt help but be grateful for a Grandmother who influenced my life who is now there with you. She made the best taffy, and loved Coke :)
I hope you visit me and make memories with our family. I definitly have felt closer to you the last few weeks. Your brothers are getting so big. They talk about you often.

What is to come... I cant wait for!

For you...

Soon your little resting place will look different. A beautiful headstone is being worked on. We can't wait to see it in place.. for you...

Saturday we went to visit your gravesite. We met the Greer's, another family who has their baby Brigham buried near Kyndal.. Grandma White sent these flowers for you. We brought them home from our vacation last week.. from North Carolina.

Soon after Kyndal died, I came across a blog.. http://agoodgrief.com ..( their daughter Lucy passed away from a small piece of apple in her lungs). I read her blog about a year ago... I read lots of blogs about children dying.. angel mothers... etc.. Fast forward to January this year... I recieved an email from a good grief.. an update email about a short BYUtv clip that was done about their family.. and their foundation who helps families purchase headstones....I emailed Molly, Lucy's mom.. wondering what it takes to get sponsored.. and I recieved a sweet email from her less than 6 hours later informing us they would love to help us.. and for us to start looking at headstones. I couldnt believe my eyes. This stranger willing to help us honor Kyndal with a beautiful headstone. I told Blades right away, and we were so happy. I texted my friend Debra to let her know.. since we share cemetaries.. Her husband Landon is buried in the same cemetary as Kyndal. I knew she would get my excitement. We shared the news with our family, and each time felt grateful for this gift.

We started our search for the perfect headstone. We have picked one out.. Her name, October 8, 2009.. and "Child of God"... There are two big flowers for the corners on the bottom.. The draft just had one, but it looked like it needed one more to us... after another draft, we signed off on it.

Blades wanted to somehow give back to this foundation that is giving to us... He talked about fundraising... having a bbq... smoked pulled pork... North Carolina style with all the fixin's...

The date is set for April 9... at the park by our house.. We are excited for the event..

We will be having a bakesale too. If you live in our area.. we would love for you to attend.. You can email me with questions if you have any.. coridillio@hotmail.com..

Christmastime

We collected pinecones from Kyndal's cemetary a few weeks ago. This is what we made with them.. ornaments for Grandparents. We also made birdfeeders with pinecones too. it was fun having Kyndal be a part of it from the pinecones.. It made them more special..
We went to decorate the other day her grave. The kids enjoyed decorating the little metal tree we have for her.

a kiss

your hands felt so soft.. and perfect... just like the rest of your tiny body.

I look forward to the day I can kiss your pretty girly hands again.

Walking to remember

We walked with balloons for her..

I made these necklaces with her on them. so everyone could see how cute she is.

The boys wore their " im a big brother" shirts

I couldnt believe how many people were there.. all going through the same thing

a wonderful event to honor children that have died.

we will be adding this to our yearly calendars.

Group was last night... there were 2 new people. they are just starting their grief journey. A journey it is... but how far I have come in 1 year. Time helps.. and heals. It is still hard, but time makes it easier...

I CAN DO HARD THINGS!

Happy Birthday Kyndal

We celebrated the day with friends at your grave. We had pink cookies, pink balloons and released them for you to catch.

The day was easier than I thought it would be. There were tears, but got through it with the help of friends, family and prayers... Those help the most I know they do. I appreciate all those that remembered you on your special day.

Our house is full of beautiful flowers that friends and family have sent. They have brightened our house and spirits.

We miss and love you Kyndal Ann.. we are that much closer to being with you again!
The best advice I heard was " be her mom today". I tried to remember that all day..

friends and flowers

What wonderful friends we have. I recieved both of these sets of flowers today. Each time I recieved them, I cried. My friends are so thoughtful. Some things I've learned about flowers...

I always associate them with funerals now..

The smell reminds me of my hospital room

Our house was bursting with flowers when we came home last year.

We have alot of vases now.

They brighten my day!