Monday, December 21, 2009


Christmas is a few days away and we went last week to Kyndal's grave to leave her a little tree. I've had this in my holiday decorations for a few year, and it ended up being perfect. It's supposed to be a Christmas card holder, but we added a few bows and a few ornaments that were on the kids' tree and had a fun time leaving it for Kyndal. The cemetary has a tree in their lobby and we were told that we could make an ornament and place it on their tree. The kids enjoyed making it for her. The boys are behaving better and better each time we go. We have family prayer while we are there. We always feel Kyndal close.
With Christmas only a few days away, I am finding myself getting more nervous about being happy on that day. I took the kids out tonight to get a few stocking stuffers, and look at Christmas lights and balled on the way home. Blades is working late tonight, and I feel like we havent spent much time together doing Christmasy things. I am trying to do all the traditions to make it fun for the kids, but Im just not feeling that into it. We are going to temple lights tomorrow and I hope to feel more into it then. In Sunday School on Sunday, there was a baby in front of us that had a huge flower and hairband in her hair. I couldnt help but think of Kyndal. In Young Women's we did a program for the girls. I helped sing one of the songs. Us leaders sat at the front, and during one of the speaking parts, a friend reached over and touched the bracelets that are pink that are Kyndals. Kyndal is wearing the same ones. I have two of them. It made the tears flow and wouldnt stop. The girls probably think I am nuts, crying like that, but I hope that I will be able to serve these girls and somehow help them in their lives. Maybe Kyndal will be able to help me too. We had family home evening this morning before Blades left for work. We are really trying to teach the kids the true meaning of Christmas. I hope they know how important the Savior is to us. How special a time we get to celebrate His birth. I miss my baby tonight, and wish she were here to snuggle. Grandma's, Aunts and friends are hopefully snuggling us for her up in heaven. We hope you find this season a happy one. We have had some ornaments given to us by friends.. little white booties with a pink bow.. the letter "K" , an angel and a picture frame. We appreciate that others are thinking of Kyndal too at this time.
Merry Christmas! Blades and the boys at Kyndals grave..

Mom and the boys

the boys decorating the tree for Kyndal
the ornament the kids decorated.. there are stickers on the other side of it :)
Case placing the ornament on the tree at the cemetary.

Kyndal, Camden and Case

Our kids

Monday, December 7, 2009

A new friend

We attended Kaden Fife's memorial services on Saturday. He was born at 24 weeks in June and survived for almost 6 months. How sweet it was to be there to hear Rusty and Jacquies testimonies and memories of their son.
His aunt Lari is a really good friend, and Kaden is her nephew. Lari too lost Olivia about 5 years ago. She was the first person I called when we found out about Kyndal. I knew she knew how I was feeling, and didnt want my mom to be there by herself. Im sure lots of emotions were brought back to her too.. attending two infant funerals in the last month and a half.
We went to the viewing Friday night, and it was difficult seeing him in that casket. It brought back lots of fresh feelings. I just touched his hands and straightened out his little outfit. Kyndal has a new friend in heaven along with Olivia too. I saw Lari hugging her mom during the service, and I missed my mom. How I wish she lived closer. I am grateful I have friends to rely on, cry to and do girly things together.
How happy I feel because of the gospel. I know Kyndal is being taken care of by a loving Heavenly Father. I bore my testimony at church yesterday and felt so strongly that I had to. So much has been given to us, service, prayers love.. that I would of felt bad if I didnt get up there and express that to others.
We set up our Christmas tree yesterday. It's great to see all of the decorations and the difference in the scenery for a while. We have Kyndal's stocking ready to be filled with acts of service that we or others do for eachother. If you want to add to her stocking .. type or email me a message and we will open and read those acts of service on Christmas Eve.
Camden is waking up every day asking if we are gonna serve someone today. Its cute and I am glad that he is thinking about it. We made Blades breakfast yesterday, and the kids helped. They thought it was so fun.. to suprise dad.. Case shared his fruit snacks with Camden. These are just a few of the things that we are adding to the stocking. We hope her stocking is overflowed with service moments.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

A Thankful Heart

Kyndal's artpiece from Rebecca Forbush
Kynal's grave. The grass is starting to grow.. we wanted a pretty plant for her. The kids left the dolly a month ago.

Dad and Mom at Kyndal's grave.

Thanksgiving was spent in Las Vegas with Grandpa Dill and family. After Kyndal passed away, we made plans to go to Vegas for the holiday. Before that, we did'nt have many plans since Kynal would of just been 6 weeks old. We wanted to be near family and friends. We had a great visit. Before we left town, we stopped by Kyndal's gravesite. The boys were so great this time. We even had family prayer there in the cemetary. Oh how we miss Kyndal and wish she would of been with us this Thanksgiving holiday. Our hearts are thankful for her sweet spirit that watches over us and we are reminded of her daily. We look forward to December and the joy that comes with celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. It will be hard to imagine not having her here for her first Christmas. We hope that we will be able to take some of that heartache and serve others... those who need help and in turn feel joy. We will purchase a stocking for Kyndal soon, and we are putting in it acts of service that we have done for the month.. those unseen and those seen.. We will open it Christmas morning and be able to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas... loving others and serving.

We always get a family ornament each year. This year will be special. Kyndal's life has changed ours. We have many things to look forward to including living a life that we will be able to be with Kyndal again.

Last night we hung up the profile art that my cousin Rebecca did for us. It was supposed to be a Christmas present for Blades, but I couldnt wait that long to show him. It's fun to see her little face in our living room.

We are attending a funeral of little Kaden Fife on Saturday. He was born at 24 weeks in June and passed away at almost 6 months old. I am sure it will be a difficult service to attend, but we hope that we can somehow show our support and empathize with his parents. His aunt Lari is one of my best friends, and too lost Olivia at 18 months old about 5 years ago. She was the first person I called to be with us at the hospital when we found out about Kyndal. Her family was so much help during the planning of Kyndal's funeral. They called around the funeral homes and made appointments for us, so we didnt have to. That was a huge blessing. The beautiful flowers on Kyndal's casket was from their family.

With this holiday season, we have a Thankful heart and hope to be able to express that to a loving Heavenly Father.