A quick visit.. a sweet boy.. make that three sweet boys

Blades and I had some errands to run, and picked up the photo CD with Kyndals pictures on them. We can't get our computer to open it, but can't wait to see them. They were done by a company called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. They are all volunteer professional photographers that came to the hospital to take pictures of Kyndal. The ones that are on here so far are from her. The first time she emailed me some pictures, we sat and cried. They are perfect.. She looks like an angel. We all were so happy at the way they turned out. We will be able to treasure those forever. If you feel wierd about looking at pictures of Kyndal.. sorry.. but it helps to see her. Those are the only pictures we have of her.. ones of her not living.. Believe me.. I would think it is wierd that people have pictures of thier dead babies on blogs too.. but now is a different story.
After picking up the CD, we were really close to the cemetary, so thought we would stop in to visit before picking up the boys from the babysitter. The grass is starting to grow and look more even over her. The little temporary marker is there with her name on it and date of death. About a week or so ago, we took the kids there. They werent so quiet and a little on the loud side, but they had picked out a dolly and a teddybear to leave at her graveside. As we went today, the teddybear had looked all wet from the sprinklers. I wanted it off of there. I fluffed it up, and held it for a minute. As we were looking at the other markers in the baby garden.. I noticed one close to Kyndals who's birthday was today. I mentioned to Blades.. hey its her birthday.. I went and put that pink teddy bear for that baby. Blades said.. Kyndal would of shared.. I felt good about thinking of another family who maybe didnt have time to get to her grave today.
As we had family prayer tonight.. Camden was kind of sad at the end and was crying. Blades asked him what was wrong? He said " I miss Kyndal a little bit". I could see Blades tear up as he hugged our son who is also missing his sister. Even Case when he sees my necklace that has Kyndals name on it.. knows thats baby.. How grateful I am to have these three sweet boys in my house.. although I was really looking forward to having some pink in this house of blue.. Kyndal is near us and I am happy tonight. She is just as much a part of our family even though she is in heaven and can't wear all this pink that is hanging in her closet and folded in her drawers. What comfort this brings even though there are still tears, and it still is very hard to realize she will not be part of our family on earth. I have already seen the change that has happened in our family. Our priorities and perspective are different. We are relying on eachother more and communicating about how we feel. I feel closer to Heavenly Father and need him to get through this too. Kyndal is with Him and is happy tonight too I am sure!!!