Saying Hello and Goodbye.. all at the same time

So, I have to admit I was stalking another blog and was listening to this same song.. It was so perfect that I had to make this blog have music on it just so all of you could hear it too.. Blades and I both agree that whoever wrote this song had to have had the same situation as Kyndal.. a stillborn child...

Never would I have imagined ever being classified or put into this group of parents who have also lost children. A moment changed our lives, and I can't imagine not going through this. Ya, it'd be easier not to be dealt these cards.. but we are playing them anyway.. not that we have a choice really.. Well we do have a choice. We can choose to take this event and have it change us for the good or bad. We could ask all kinds of questions.. but we have never asked "why"??
We believe that Kyndal and Heavenly Father had this in their "cards".. It was supposed to be this way. If I would of gone any longer being pregnant, who knows what would of happened. ( maybe nothing) We do know that during surgery my uteran wall was so thin, the Dr. could see her hair through it. Maybe one more week it could of ruptured at home, killing both of us. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father and a baby Kyndal who saved my life so I can raise my little boys, and still be a wife to Blades. Yes I wish I had her in my arms, and could lather her up with baby lotion ( I love that smell.. I've been using it on my boys instead), but I can't imagine not recieving the blessings and experiences we have had since Kyndal's death. It has been life changing. It has given us a broader perspective on life after death. The big things matter now. Family, church, a relationship with Heavenly Father, temples, Priesthood, prayer. They were all important before.. now they are just way more important to us. Blades and I were able to attend the temple twice last week and when we helped with sealings ( when families are promised to be together forever by priesthood authority.... the sealer said these particular names of people had been waiting for over 600 years to be sealed.. I felt so strongly that Kyndal might of been there with them.. looking down on us and saying.. hey thats my mom and dad down there helping your family become eternal... I hope she even had a little party for them.. Her mom loves to throw parties.. so I hope she had some party for them.....silly i know..)
Yes, we still are normal and yell at our kids and I still watch Oprah and Grey's Anatomy.. but how quickly and often are we reminded of this little baby. I often look at her pictures. It gives me great joy to know we held, loved, kissed and adore her. The tears come and go. As I type this they are here.
Guilt often comes when we don't cry. Why don't we feel worse? The only thing we can come up with is knowing that she is happy and taken care of. Prayers from others, the Spirit.. are all helping so much.
When we are spending eternity with our family.. this will seem like a small page in our book compared to all the time we will be able to be together. That's what gets us through.
Friends and family have been amazing. I cannot begin to tell you how many friends came to the hospital and how wonderful it was for them to be able to hold her. We all felt the Spirit, peace and love for Kyndal. Everyone that visited and held her would rock her. I guess it is instinctive, but we would talk to her too. There was a bassinet in the room, and she didn't get set down at all. I needed help getting out of the shower and I asked my mom to come and help, cause Blades was out of the room, and she said she would but didnt want to set Kyndal down and leave her alone. I thought that was so sweet. Here she sits.. just her body.. and Grandma didnt want her to be left alone.
We have never felt so loved before. Both of us have wonderful friends, a wonderful ward and an amazing family. We could not get through this without all of you and I just want to say Thank You for all you have done for our family. I know you all were praying for us and that helped more than you can imagine. Everything for the services, planning preparing, flight schedules, traveling all were perfect with no problems. What a comfort and burden eased not having to worry about the little things.
I got to go to lunch with Crystal this week and we shared our thoughts and feelings about our sweet babies. She lost her baby Sage in March.. you can read her blog.. theres a link off of mine.. What a great friendship I am sure we will have. We have shared many sweet experiences with eachother. She visited me in the hospital and I asked her if she would put Kyndal's /my blessing dress in a shadow box for me. It turned out beautiful and I was glad she did that for me.
This post is random not any order to my thoughts, but wanted to post something. We are spending time in Las Vegas for Thanksgiving and look forward to seeing family and friends that we havent seen since a few weeks before Kyndal's delivery. I am sure it will be a whirlwind of emotions as we look through pictures, retell all the stories and hug those dearest to us.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.. we have much to be thankful for this year. We love your comments and check on them often. It's wonderful to hear what you think.. so don't be a stalker... leave a comment atleast.. ha ha